WikiStevia

Rambo. Get it?

2009-05-17T18:20:00.002-05:00

Gather 'round children... it's story time.

Last week this "lady" adopted a German Shepherd mixed breed dog from the Mobile County Animal Shelter. She then brought it to Jeni to be neutered. When they showed up, Alice, Jeni's head technician and our sister-in-law informed the "lady" that the dog had already been neutered. When she asked "How can you tell?" Alice correctly replied "Because... it doesn't have balls."

She also informed Alice and Jeni that she had renamed the dog Rambo. Here is how that went down:

"My husband is Mexican, so, he's really into that movie Rambo. So, we named him Rambo."

Then, at a rabies vaccine clinic on Saturday morning, this lady shows up with the dog and three others (the others were intact) and tells the same story. This time I was present. I regret not asking for clarification but there really wasn't much to do other than stare blankly at her. She seemed a little off at best.

She also asked if her intact male Chihuahua was capable of impregnating her other Chihuahua despite being 10 years old because "my husband caught 'em stuck together two weeks ago."

Sadly, I must also report that she was wearing a Safety award shirt from my old employer so I must assume that she works there. Geez, those fools really will hire anyone!

Ok. So, if anyone knows why Mexicans like Rambo, let me know! Rambo isn't a Mexican and it doesn't take place in Mexico... so... I'm at a loss.

How to Keep Ahead in "This Economy"

2009-04-25T08:11:00.002-05:00

I'm tired of hearing about how difficult everything is in "this economy." Thank goodness that we finally have another reasonable excuse to fear and question everything. I love to hear the folks on television say things like... "How will the public see the Craigslist Killer in the light of this economy?" or "Tonight on dateline we'll examine the effects of this economy on being an internet predator." I heard a radio show a few months back who said that "in this economy" is the new "since Nine-Eleven." I think that he may have been pretty close to the truth. At least, in terms of coverage and analysis, this is the hottest thing going and everyone wants to know how to survive it.

I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to be so bad. There are plenty of ways to stay above the rising tides of hopelessness and despair and I am here to offer you a few of your best options!

As with any blog, lists are the way to go. So, I have compiled a list of the top 5 jobs you can have in a bad economy. As you might expect, you may have to slightly bend your morals just a bit but, hey, in "this economy" you have to do things you wouldn't do otherwise. The common thread between these jobs is that they all fare just as well when the economy is in the crapper as they do otherwise - some even better! Here they are in no particular order:

1. Craigslist Whore. I know what you are thinking - that is dangerous!! But I say it is safer than ever since the Craigslist Killer has been captured. How many could there possibly be? One thing is for sure... it's n-1 now. There are tons of pros for this job (pun intended). First, you can set your own hours. You get to decide if you are the first-thing-in-the-morning, lunch-break, or the more traditional middle-of-the-night kind of girl (or guy). Second, the money is fantastic. For a simple "massage" you can make hundreds of dollars an hour. And, if you can escape the occasional medical-school-student-gone-bad, you can keep the money and your life! Lastly, you will meet lots of interesting people... first timers, career Johns, disease transmitters, police officers, a court appointed attorney... all kinds of interesting people! This is particularly economy proof since guys are always looking for... well, we should move on.

2. College Professor. Many of you are probably thinking... "isn't that the same as number one?" Well, there are similarities but this one might come with a little less anxiety and social stigma. This one is pretty straight forward. When the jobs get tough to find, students stay in school longer and non-students return to school to wait out the bad times and better prepare themselves for the good times. I have nothing more than a little anecdotal evidence of this but I can assure you that there are cycles in the Chemical Engineering job market and at the bottom, graduate school enrollment swells. I expect that the same thing goes on with the fresh out of highschool crowd. Should I take that job at Rent-and-Roll selling dub-dubs or should I start working for a degree in General Business? Tough decision - but, the needle should swing in favor of the degree when there aren't going to be as many people renting rims. And, who benefits? College professors! Someone has to show the masses where the one is on the table... (if you missed that last reference... I recently had a professor ask my to examine a table and look for a "one." seriously.)

3. Professional Facebooker. Really this could be any one of the online social groups... facebook, twitter, nambla... At first, you might wonder how you can make money as a professional status or tweet poster and I admit that it may not be extremely profitable, but follow my plan and you're sure to have a check for tens of thousands of yen in no time. Start by posting links to all kinds of awesome and hilarious stuff (like my blog). People will get in the habit of clicking on your links. In the meantime, you need to set yourself up with an ad agency that pays people for referenced clicks. What that means is that there are certain ads all over the web that once clicked generate a very small credit for the person who runs the page that the ad was on. If you sneak one of these pay-per-click ads in every once in a while, people will think it is an accident. But, by that time - you're already rolling in the coin (probably literally since it will take A LOT of clicks to make anything more than a few cents). I even see a new feature called "Monetize" above this very blog post that will allow me to put ads on my blog! I'm actually considering doing it because I enjoy seeing the associations that they ad programs generate based on the content of the website. What kind of advertisement could they possibly relate to a blog post that suggests that you become a Craigslist Whore??

4. Guy who drives around with some bandages in a van looking for accidents. This comes from a recent conversation I had with my sister. She and her husband recently played the part of "Good Samaritan" when they witnessed a car accident on I459 in Birmingham. They happened to have one of those extremely handy first aid kits that is full of bandages and gauze and maybe a few alcohol wipes. Their only mistake was that they offered their help and supplies to the injured people out of the kindness of their heart instead of the emptiness of their wallet. So, what if they got a full size van and drove around helping people who had been injured on the road or otherwise. They could even offer rides to the hospital for people that needed them. They could charge for their services and make a bunch of money! To stand out from other "regular vans" they could paint their van with some colors people will eventually come to recognize like... white and orange. You might even be able to put some lights on it to let people know when you are racing to someone who is hurt or taking someone to the hospital. Injury and illness know nothing of the economy... so, this job could be a winner at any time!

5. Executor of the estate of Sir Edward Richard George Heath. This guy Heath had so much money and apparently nobody to give it to. Somehow, he has been trying to reach ME to disperse this money. If I were the executor of this will I know exactly where that money would be. So, maybe the position of executor of THIS guy's will is already taken but based on a survey of my email... I believe in the past three days I've gotten four emails from people who are executing wills that point to ME. So, if this hold true for the general population of the earth (let's just say 6.7 billion), then there are nearly 27 billion will executors out there. Um... ok so I've clearly screwed the math up but my point is it can't be that hard to score one of these jobs and since your boss has already kicked the bucket they won't notice if you shave a little more than a traditional commission off of the top of whatever ridiculous sum of money you are supposed to try to filter into some Alabama hick's bank account. Everyone wins!

So, consider your options and let me know what you decide. The world is your oyster... so, throw some hot sauce on it and let it slide down your throat. I'm not sure where I was going with that one.

If you have any other suggestions for jobs that will continue to pay well despite the alleged downturn in the economy, let's hear about them in the comments!

Thanks,
WS

Feels like the first blog... Feels like the very first blog...

2009-04-14T13:09:00.001-05:00

It's been a very long time since I've blogged and I offer my most sincere apologies to my loyal followers who have no doubt been checking in every day or so for over a month now.

If you are interested in excuses, I was busy trying not to fail out of medical school. So far, it looks like I might have pulled that off - stay tuned for the final results.

I'll do my best to summarize the things that I WOULD have blogged about if I'd been blogging lately.

1. Vince got arrested. Holy poop. He apparently tried to secure the services of a hooker for about $1000 and when she bit his tongue and refused to let loose - he put the slap-chop on her. I didn't see her exact mug shot from this encounter but I saw his and he looked like he took a few good licks too.

2. I got that new umbrella. AND - I got a sweet new rain jacket right after one of the worst series of Mobile, Al floods I've ever seen which is saying alot. March was particularly wet this year - 15.95 inches according to weatherunderground.com. So far, April hasn't been quite as bad but overall we've been getting... well, hosed. To put that in perspective, weatherunderground.com shows last year's TOTAL rainfall for 2008 in Seattle, Wa was a mere 27.06". Thanks to March, Mobile is already at 22.69" with most of the year left to go. Yes, I just blogged about how much it rains - but, that's because it has been doing that ALOT lately. Good umbrella, good rain jacket - essential. Another fun fact: 1996-2008 average rainfall as measured at weather station CS1353 in west Mobile was 70.75".

3. I joined the gym, again. Back when the baby was little I gave it up because it had kinda gotten useless. Now, I think, maybe... especially this summer... I should be able to change that. Wish me luck.

4. Dexter caught a ride to his new home atop the large Bose speaker in our classroom yesterday... finally. After a failed attempt to airlift him with a really cool toy helicopter that just wasn't strong enough, a large helium balloon did the trick. From where I am sitting right now, I can see him watching over the class. Live long and learn well, Dexter.

That's enough for now. I'll try to stay on top of this blogging thing throughout the rest of the school year.

-
WS

I'm getting a new umbrella!!

2009-02-24T22:07:00.002-06:00

I've been eying a new umbrella set at Sam's Club recently and now I have a reason to get it!

Tonight during my trip to IHOP to gather free pancakes, I learned that my friend Anna had locked her keys in her car WHILE IT WAS RUNNING. If that weren't enough, she didn't even notice until she tried to get back into her car after the meal!! Amazing. I must spread the blame among our other friends Allison, Elizabeth, and Shannon though - apparently everyone failed to notice.

Anyway, the only thing I could find in my car that was coat-hanger like was an old and busted umbrella that was still perfectly functional as a golf-umbrella. Unfortunately whilst trying to get the rod out of the broken portion of the umbrella, I ruined the whole thing. So, NEW UMBRELLA! It's going to be nice.

Oh yeah - a special shoutout to Allison for spotting a pee-pee diaper in the back of my car... good thing you saw it before it started to totally reek. And to Liz who said "at least it's sterile..." - I assure you that nothing that touches a baby is sterile.

So everyone that reads this will have already heard the story, but I was trying to be the first to blog about it.

I think I won.

WikiStevia +10

You're Gonna LOVE my nuts!

2009-02-23T09:56:00.007-06:00

This is Vince Offer and he is holding the SlapChop and it's little brother Graty. Apparently he was born Vince Shlomi. Really - that was his name. That little creeped out kid in the middle is me circa 1988/9. I've just come to know Vince through the powers of the internet and I think you all need to become a little more familiar with him.

This post may make a little more sense if you do yourself the favor of skimming the article about him on Wikipedia.

Basically, this guy Vince wrote, directed, and starred in a movie which he marketed though TV commercials. He apparently got the marketing idea from the success of the Girls Gone Wild phenom. I'm not sure where he got the money to make the movie - but it was apparently with his money... impressive since the thing cost nearly $200,000 to make a decade ago. He later sued Twentieth Century Fox for stealing scenes from his movie which allegedly ended up in There's Something About Mary. He also used money he name from his video sales to sue the Church of Scientology for... well that's really not all that clear to me. They apparently called him a criminal or a whack-job or something. I mean, if those guys think you're nuts - you might as well be a cashew. Where did he get the money for that lawsuit? I read somewhere that he sold food choppers at swap meets to come up with the funds for that. Apparently Anna Nicole Smith had agreed to be in his movie and then pulled out so he sued her too. I saw that Gena Lee Nolin was in the movie so I guess that was his backup blondie. Recently he has put together some successful infomercials from which you may recognize him. They are, of course, the ShamWow and the SlapChop.

When he was pushing the German-made ShamWow I thought that there might be something wrong with his eye. He definately has this one eye squint going on which makes him look a little like Popeye. See below for evidence.

Vince Offer

Popeye

I think you'll agree that they are at least related if not the same exact guy. Have you ever seen them in the same room? I certainly haven't. That's probably a topic for another blog post.

Alright, back to the point. Watch this video of the commercial and listen for two lines in particular:

1. "Stop having boring tuna, Stop having a boring life."
2. "You're gonna LOVE my nuts!"

Seriously. That guy just invited American to slap his nuts! What is going on here? I'm not sure if I'm creeped out or impressed by how smart this guy must be to get that on television.

Some other people have also picked a few of his strange claims and comments out. For example, check out this poster from Motivated Photos.

I know that I have rambled just a tad here but I'm somewhat confused by the whole idea of Vince Offer. I do know this about him - he is going to land on his feet. He's been through too much to fail now. I think the only appropriate action is to obtain his movie, The Underground Comedy Movie, and set up a viewing for our class so that we can learn more about him.

Who is in?

REQUEST: Ideas for multi-functional wearable blanket.

2009-02-05T15:06:00.004-06:00

Greetings.

I'm sure that many of you are familiar with the recent trends in wearable blankets. If not, check out some of these websites and then come back to finish this article:

* The Slanket
* Snuggie

(random picture of a horse in a snuggie)
The video from that second website claims that people who use blankets will find that "when you need to reach for something, your hands are trapped inside!" That comment got me thinking about the other problems associated with using an old-school blanket instead of a wearable blanket. Here is part of the list that I came up with:

1. You cannot control your iDog, iToaster, iGerbil, or other random iGizmo. In short, blankets create a barrier between you and whatever it is that you are plugging your iPod into this week!

2. You cannot "go potty" if you are laying under a blanket. Ok, technically you can do this but it does not end well for the blanket. Trust me on this one.

3. You cannot eat Taco Bell if you are under a blanket.

Maybe you see where this is headed. Maybe you do not see where this is headed. I will spare you the suspense: I am designing the wearable blanket to end all wearable blankets. And more, this will be a HEATED wearable blanket. Other planned features include and iPod docking station, a potty, and a Taco Bell drive through window. I'm not exactly sure how all this is going to work which is why this is a REQUEST blog post.

I need ideas on how to make it work and ideas on how to make it better. What do you, the consumers, want to see in your heated wearable blanket? Leave your suggestions and helpful comments for me and I'll let you know when the -oh crap- it doesn't have a name! So, send in names for it too!

Thanks in advance for your support and ideas!

A new look for WikiStevia is coming...

2009-01-24T17:01:00.002-06:00

I've been looking around at several of my friend's blogs lately and I realized that while my blog is fantastic, it doesn't LOOK fantastic. So, in an effort to help WikiStevia look the part I've created a logo (which you can see above) and plan on making all kinds of layout changes. Hopefully with a little work this place will start to look like the blog I know it can be.

Thanks to all of those faithful followers who have put up with the bland look so far.

If you have any suggestions about how to make this place look more like someone post here, let me know.

Also, look for a review of the Blackberry Bold shortly! I know there are plenty of reviews for the phone online but not from WikiStevia.

Puppet Playhouse complete! Well, sorta.

2009-01-01T10:44:00.013-06:00

Happy New Year, blog followers!

I thought I'd take a few minutes to post some shots of the baby's big Christmas present from Jeni and me. This is a puppet playhouse that we are sure that we will spend alot of hours with once Kate figures out how it works. For now she is mostly playing with her "doh-doh" which is play-doh and her Disney Princess mini-kitchen.

Back to point: This playhouse is meant to be portable enough that it can travel with Kate who goes all over town all of the time. Because of that there isn't alot of material behind the puppetmasters. Basically, they will sit behind the playhouse and you can easily see them from the side. When not in use or when travelling it needs to be small so all of the parts fold up into a box that is a little heavy but manageable. The box also has plenty of room for puppet storage.

Here is the box...

Of course, the hinges that you see allow it to open up...

So now you can see the front of the stage with a little bit of trim and the inside of the box which contains the sides and top of the stage. Now let's fold them out.

And as you can see here the stage walls aren't square and there is a big gap in the top. That is because the hinges aren't strong enough to support the weight of the cross pieces and this has to be two pieces to fold up properly. That's an easy fix though. I made a piece to slide in between these two stage sides that fits tightly. In addition to being decorative and filling the gap, the piece squares up the top nicely.

To finish it up, take a look a some detail shots of the trim pieces we used to make it look pretty. Also, I put a 3/4" curtain rod on the back.

For now, the piece is primed. Painting will be completed before the end of the week. Jeni has some great ideas for the painting and we found some cute little wooden animals at Hobby Lobby. I can't describe exactly what she has in mind but once I get some pictures of that I'll put those up too. If it works out how we think, it should be awesome.

Some details:
Stage is approx 27" tall, 48" wide. So, the box is about 27" x 24" folded up plus some trim and hardware. Hinges are recessed for better fitment. I've also put some "safety features" on since the original build. It now has stabilizing "feet" that slide on and some chains that catch a hook to prevent the top from folding back down onto the puppeteers. I used 3/4" sheets and the whole thing is less than a single 4' x 8'. I think if I had to redo it there are certain parts that I would cut down to 1/2" to get some weight out. My original sketch called for some inline skate wheels or mini-casters to make it even more portable. Those would have taken too much time and it would not have been built before Christmas so I scrapped that.

Expect more pics when it is fully done!

Blind People, Midgets. A match made in heaven.

2008-12-19T22:12:00.004-06:00

Today's blog is an idea i had a long time ago to help out two groups of people who are differently-advantaged (wow, pretty PC, huh?). Specifically, I have a plan that will help the blind and the short of stature. By that, I mean midgets or drawfs or trolls of gnomes or whatever subsets of 'little people' that you may come across.

Let's face it - not being able to see things is a huge problem. If you can't see then you can't drive, read normal writing, and easily navigate unfamiliar places. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to not have one's sight. While my natural eyesight is terrible (anyone who has seen the profile of my eye glasses knows what I mean), it just isn't the same. I can see clearly for about four inches but i can still SEE things.

LPs on the other hand are forced to live in a world that just isn't built for them. The good cereal is always out of reach, computer keys seem miles apart, and finding clothing that fits and looks age appropriate is always a chore.

So, both the wee and those that can't see are disadvantaged but in completely different ways. Now, imagine a world where the blind and the small were paired. One to one. I'm sure the population of each is about the same - when people have good ideas like this it usually works out like that. They could go everywhere together and between the pair there would always be one person who could take care of everything that they encounter. They could be employed in regular jobs together as well. No longer will the blind be forced to do medical transcriptions, tune pianos, and make brooms. No longer will midgets be forced to work as rodeo clowns, leprechaun impersonators, and porn stars.

Of course, this plan isn't perfect. There are going to be times when one or the other in the pair feels like they pull more than their fair share of the load. For example, the wee ones will always be the designated driver which will be a problem when the pair heads out for a night on the town. This will be a problem because everyone knows that "they" just can't hold their liquor.

Problems aside, I believe this could really work. Synergy, people, synergy! The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. It is just meant to be. Perhaps we could even look at this as a match-making opportunity: Blind man seeks dwarf woman, sight a must, good looks optional.

Well - that's the plan. Think it over. As a side note, I have thought of another experiment. This one will probably not happen any time soon, but I am thinking about spending one whole day without sight. From the time I wake up until bed time, I'll wear some sort of blinder. This may have to wait until spring break or maybe even summer.

Accidental Break-Fast. Oops.

2008-12-17T21:02:00.003-06:00

The fast is over. Jeni wanted to go to Chic-fil-A for dinner and after she finished ordering I asked for a number one. Oops.

We had talked about it on the way there and apparently I picked a bad time to start this experiment. Jeni informed me of all of the things I had to do and suggested that I postpone the fast until the week after Christmas. Done. We also discussed using her bloodwork service (which is supposed to be for animals) to get a baseline and day-3 blood workup. That would be awesome. Since we missed the base line, I'm ok with waiting.

Overall, the 20-some-odd hour experience wasn't bad at all. I could easily do this once a week indefinitely. I think day two would have proved to be much, much worse. We'll see - probably.

Let's just call this a case of premature mastication. Before my next attempt I will be consulting with my ol' friend Meg who has apparently fasted in a variety of ways in the past.

72 hour fast - hour 19

2008-12-17T18:42:00.003-06:00

It's been 19 hours since I had anything solid to eat. Today I have had 16 ounces of juice and 6 ounces of milk.

Around 3pm and again 6pm I had little "episodes" of hunger. Other than that I've felt pretty good. I do have a strange sensation in the back of my throat that I fear will be there for some time to come.

Since I am not worried too much about consuming liquids for this particular experiment, I will be going to Bigby Coffee soon to get a Caramel-Mellow. That will be my major calorie source for the day but I think it's safe to say I'll be well under 1000 calories and will have had no solid food by the 24 hour mark. I haven't done any actual exercise today but I have been with the baby most of the time and she's been very active. Chasing her is generally considered to be a workout in itself.

Possible update later tonight before I go to bed.

My first blog.

2008-12-17T00:17:00.000-06:00

Hey folks. Welcome to my blog!

Let me start by saying that I don't anticipate worldwide readership for this blog. I do, however, expect my friends to read this blog every single day. Even when I don't post anything new, I expect them to stop by and read some of my old posts. My expectations are not that unreasonable. After all, I am awesome so this blog should be awesome. Be warned: There will be pop quizzes.

Also, for my first post - I have much to say. This particular post will probably have more rambling and planning than anything else but hang in here with me.

I can't say for sure which direction this blog will go but I do plan on executing a fair number of experiments and reporting on them. For example: What does it feel like not to eat for three days? Will it hurt? Will I continue to poop? Will there be weight loss? Will I be able to maintain typical activities or will I have to cut back?

Some other things that I have wondered about that warrant experimentation are: Why does the United States Postal Service (USPS) have multiple "pick ups" at the post office when the mail is delivered only once per day. If I put a post card in each of two daily pickups for five consecutive days and there is actually a difference in the delivery time from one pickup to the next, then I should see those ten post cards delivered on ten different days... right? Wrong, of course. So, why are there two pickups? Either the morning and afternoon pickups will arrive together or the afternoon and following morning pickups will arrive together. There is no other logical argument and therefore a single pickup per day should suffice. Stick around and I will prove this with an experiment that will no doubt lead to my appointment as Postmaster General.

Some other things that might show up on the blog are: Stories about Kate (my baby!) and Jeni (my wife!), Recipes for things I like to eat, Rants, Movie Reviews, Pictures of things I think are funny or neat or worthy of online posting, Links to things I like or don't like, Product Reviews, and who knows what else!

Let's kick this blog off right. At midnight I will stop consuming solid food for three days. On Wednesday, Dec. 17th 2008, Thursday, and Friday - I will only consume liquids. I will minimize my caloric intake to force my body into consuming my ample adipose resources. One of my biochemistry professors suggested that it might not be a bad idea to routinely put our bodies into this state... so, here goes. This is not my first experience at fasting but "sun up" fasting one day a week in high school wasn't quite the same as what I'm about to start. Expect an update or two each day as I attempt this three day fast.

And, for those of you that are interested in the experiment that will shake the mail delivery machine to it's core - stay tuned. I plan to execute that experiment from 12/29/08 - 1/02/09. Yes, 1/1/09 is a federal holiday but the three consecutive days will offer some great insight into this conundrum. Of course, I need to know what happens between the last pick up on the 31st and the first pick up on the 2nd. I'm not sure if I'll sleep until I know. Of course, expect plenty of updates once this experiment starts.

As I finish typing this I have just noticed that the clock has rolled over and I can no longer finish the slice of birthday cake from my brother-in-law's birthday party... oh well - it was good while it lasted.

Crap. As I went to put it away, I almost licked the icing off of the fork. This is going to be tough.

Thanks for checking out my first post,
Stephen